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Ziji is the experience of being completely and powerfully in the present
Men and desire

Men and desire

The idea that men can just have sex for the sake of sex and get enough out of it is a fallacy In 2016, a study published in the Journal of Sex Research surveyed straight men in long-term heterosexual relationships about what elicited their desire, and found that key...

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Beware the BTN’s

Beware the BTN’s

AKA “better than nothings”, tease us with finite fixes for infinite yearnings. They’re the dead-end relationships, the otherwise-perfect commitmentphobes, the people who’ll never be that Into us, the Friends who can’t be more. The Coras. Yet if BTNs served no...

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You cannot reason with a verbally abusive partner

You cannot reason with a verbally abusive partner

The victim so badly wants to make sense of the behavior that he or she doesn’t put an end to it, instead continuing to search for explanations of what could have caused the abuser to treat him or her that way. The victim thinks that perhaps something about his or her...

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At peace with the virus

This first world and beautiful video aimed as soothing, still hangs out with anxiety provoking and false dichotomies in “we must win” and “we cannot fail”. Failure is the best teacher when we learn from it. The seed of success is in every failure, and loss within...

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What if I’m wrong about being right?

What would be the MEANING for you if that utterly convincing rightness of a decision, the self-evident correctness of a belief, the deep truth of a value, or an excellent position you took in a relationship - what if you were wrong? What if you just considered the...

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Stress and community care

A trauma informed consideration of community stress management Bushfires and covid19 guarantee many in our community are experiencing varying degrees of uncertainty, loss, disorientation, distress and possibly trauma. Thinking smart about this stuff can help the way...

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Calm

Calm

In a research project, participants were asked to count how many breaths they took over a two-minute period, which caused them to pay especially focused attention to their breathing. When they counted correctly, brain activity (monitored by EEG) in regions related to...

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What personality

What personality

I think we are a multitude and our task is to befriend each aspect of ourselves. What happens if we don’t fit in the box of one personality type like extrovert, introvert, omnivert? Many dating apps, relationship self-help books and personality diagnostic webpages...

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Havening for covid19 isolation and trauma

This simple process can be shared over zoom or with social distancing just by doing it together on screen, opposite each other in the park or at home or just on your own. Kids get it immediately, adults may just need to be mindful of their breath. Wash your hands...

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We might be giants

We might be giants

'I always had a repulsive sort of need to be something more than human. I felt very very puny as a human. I thought, "Fuck that. I want to be a superman." - David #Bowie Knowing you have so much potential and yet realising in your heart of hearts that it’s not...

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Why relationships

Why relationships

Contrary to everything I have written on my couple therapy site, or maybe aligned with it’s darker notes, I don’t recommend marriage. Well not without first deep diving into how you are, and will become a difficult person to live with. Long term committed...

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