DUAL TRAUMA COUPLE THERAPY

  • Transforming the mutual trauma driven extremes of couple distress and disconnection when both have a history of trauma
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DUAL TRAUMA COUPLE THERAPY

ORIENTATION

BODY KEEPS THE SCORE

Trauma ‘starts when something happens to us, but that’s not where it stops.’ It changes our brain. Body stores the memory out of everyday awareness until triggered. We are then overwhelmed and react out of proportion to the size of the present day triggering event, by shutting down, taking flight, erupting or fawning.

First alert

Any therapist or counsellor assessing body/mind symptoms may first intuit chronic emotional dysregulation (out of proportion strong felt emotions difficult to recover from) and disorganised attachment styles (clingy one moment, distant the next; sabotaging relationships) in their clients, even without knowing the partner. Both carrying unprocessed trauma represented as chronic ill health in body and mind. PTSD, dissociation, somatisation, and affect dysregulation represent a spectrum of adaptations to trauma. They often occur together.

Trauma expert

I have over 45 years of working with clients and their trauma histories. I have lived experience of trauma, which deeply informs my work. I have experienced and provided a wide range of trauma treatments. I have specialised in working with couples where both partners carry traumatic injuries that serially disrupt intimate connection and their ability to problem solve creatively. These couple are powerfully drawn to each other.

Reciprocal triggers

Dual trauma couples have a unique pattern of simultaneous mutual escalation of distress. Often both going from 0 to 100 in a second. The pattern hijacks manageable problems. It leaves both partners exhausted and despairing.  They can take days or weeks recovering, before the cycle of distress repeats. Their turn arounds in couple therapy are inspiring, heart warming, extraordinary. Their courage and determination to heal is momentous.

COMPLICATED TRAUMA CHECKLIST

Mutual (& innocent) simultaneous adverse reactions,
when you trigger each other’s land mines reciprocally
and then relive it or act it out catastrophically

  1. With a history of trauma (abuse and/or neglect)
  2. Or having witnessed family violence
  3. Suffering complicated or traumatic grief
  4. Following a natural disaster
  5. Or as first responders.
  6. Reacting by fight, flight, freeze or fawning
  7. Coping by minimising the impact
  8. Experiencing disproportionate fears
  9. Or feelings of helplessness
  10. Recurring and distressing thoughts
  11. Flashbacks and/or nightmares
  12. Physical reactions (shaking, sweating, panic, numbing)
  13. Toxic shame
  14. Self-medicating with drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, work.
  15. Exaggerated startle response
  16. Insomnia
  17. Gaps in attention and concentration
  18. Significant gaps in memory of past
  19. Losing significant blocks of time
  20. Avoiding specific thoughts, feelings, activities, or situations
Four reactions to trauma triggers

Four reactions to trauma triggers